My son has inherited many traits from me that are laudable: a passion for color and detail; obsessive reading; and interest in chickens and gardening (although one could debate the heritability of chicken fancy). However, he also has my temper. This is not such an easy thing, when the temper in question is immediate and somewhat, um, fiesty. And I will state right up front that I know I am the grown-up. If there is a problem, and we are both upset, I must own said problem. I have almost thirty additional years of experience in all things emotional than The Young Man. I will also state, however, that it is damn (!!!!) hard. My best parenting moments do not come when we are both digging in our heals and snorting fire. But he is still my sweet, vulnerable boy, even when he screams at me or is so mad he has to shake his fist. And when I don't show him positive ways to channel that temper (and I have not been so positive lately), I'm not doing him any favors. The temper may come with temperament, but the behavior, well, that's modeling for you.
We had a challenging morning at Casa del Dilletante today. We are feeling particularly pinched for time at both ends of the day lately (the hubby and I), and so I feel overwhelmed and out-of-control before I even leave the house. I am a Virgo. My home, it is my sanctuary, my place of healing and wholeness. I don't deal well with not having a small island of calm. My bottle of Rescue Remedy (from labor, of all things) is now being pressed back into service. I also am scrambling to find ways to avoid the meltdowns, temper-tantrums, and fights. I still have to do my part, but my mother was not kidding when she said four was the first adolescence.
I hope we come up with some solutions for evening and morning routines soon. Until then, my mantra for the next few days will be "Shut up and breathe first, damn it!" Sounds pretty zen to me.
April 1, 2008
The Apple, it Does Not Fall Far From the Tree
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4 comments:
You do a great job and are a great Mom. I should know as I also reside in the Casa de Dilettante. Last night and this morning seemed smoother!
Miles was almost sunny this morning! Still, I'm sensing an ongoing challenge in parenting him lately. Perhaps a good place to start is returning to not interrupting him.
I walked by a Free Pile last week and saw this metal plaque that simply said "Breathe". I snatched it and brought it home.It's been very trying in our house,too...I definitely needed a sign to tell me to breathe, as well.
It must be something in the air. It doesn't help that my kids seem to have my temper too. The nerve!
That's too good! Of course you had to pick up the plaque ... it was waiting for you. Funny about that temper bit. The first time my son (Miles) stamped his foot at me, I had to try so hard not to laugh.
I think there may have been something in the air. We have all been much calmer these past few days.
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