A New Day

So the latest parenting project seems to be off to a good start, with a bit more respect heading in each direction. To solve some of the issues, we will be:

1) Getting Miles (and ourselves) into bed a bit earlier, consistently. We all need more sleep.
2) Not interrupting. OMG, this is such a trigger for me, but I do it right back at the little guy. We say we are all about respecting his personhood and raising him to recognize and honor his emotions, but that doesn't work when I tell him to stop talking and that I am not listening (quality parenting moments, I tell you).
3) Keeping up with the breathing thing. This one is me, and while I blew it totally last night in a spectacular, door-slamming way, I think I can do it. Breathe first, think about what I *really* want out of the interaction/relationship, and then respond. Because my initial response is not always the most constructive.
4) Spend some moments together as a family/couple. The key to this is while paying attention to one another.

There's more, but I need to go pick up lunch. Ah, the life of a crazy, modern, two-career family. It's a round-about that I wouldn't mind finding an exit from (not the family part, but the crazy part). On a related note, I got myself all misty-eyed over a new article over at Daily Yonder. I get turned-off by all the "personal responsibility" language, but if you read it as more than coding for conservative, right-wing values, the rest of the article does ring pretty true for me. It's what I don't like about who we are as a larger culture right now. I want to be on the other side of the paradigm.

The Apple, it Does Not Fall Far From the Tree

My son has inherited many traits from me that are laudable: a passion for color and detail; obsessive reading; and interest in chickens and gardening (although one could debate the heritability of chicken fancy). However, he also has my temper. This is not such an easy thing, when the temper in question is immediate and somewhat, um, fiesty. And I will state right up front that I know I am the grown-up. If there is a problem, and we are both upset, I must own said problem. I have almost thirty additional years of experience in all things emotional than The Young Man. I will also state, however, that it is damn (!!!!) hard. My best parenting moments do not come when we are both digging in our heals and snorting fire. But he is still my sweet, vulnerable boy, even when he screams at me or is so mad he has to shake his fist. And when I don't show him positive ways to channel that temper (and I have not been so positive lately), I'm not doing him any favors. The temper may come with temperament, but the behavior, well, that's modeling for you.

We had a challenging morning at Casa del Dilletante today. We are feeling particularly pinched for time at both ends of the day lately (the hubby and I), and so I feel overwhelmed and out-of-control before I even leave the house. I am a Virgo. My home, it is my sanctuary, my place of healing and wholeness. I don't deal well with not having a small island of calm. My bottle of Rescue Remedy (from labor, of all things) is now being pressed back into service. I also am scrambling to find ways to avoid the meltdowns, temper-tantrums, and fights. I still have to do my part, but my mother was not kidding when she said four was the first adolescence.

I hope we come up with some solutions for evening and morning routines soon. Until then, my mantra for the next few days will be "Shut up and breathe first, damn it!" Sounds pretty zen to me.